Old news but BIG news!

Wow. I promised periodic updates as my family and I packed, moved and adjusted to our new life (I promised, right? Maybe not, but I promise you I promised you in my mind. I sometimes have a bad habit of thinking I’ve shared something when it never actually got communicated. One of my many charming qualities…). So obviously that whole “keeping you all updated” bit didn’t happen. I’m not going to give you a laundry list of excuses about how I was just soooo busy. I was busy, but I also had plenty of time to sit down and write if I really wanted to. I’m not going to tell you I decided to quit blogging because, to be honest with you, I’ve started maybe ten different posts but just never got around to finishing them.

I just kind of got caught up in life. I’ve spent the last few months packing up our whole house, moving into my in-law’s house for a month and living out of suitcases while we spent the next month closing on our new house, THEN moving in and unpacking at our new house. Just a tad busy. That, and I’ve got a bit of big news to share with those of you that aren’t involved in my life personally or in the least stalk me on facebook.

I’m pregnant!!

It feels a little weird to be announcing this right now. You see, I’m 27 weeks pregnant and just getting into my third trimester.

Erm… yeah. Dropped the ball there.

I kept intending to announce it in some cute way on here, then time passed… and passed. The cute idea was kind of getting old and then I just got too pregnant to really make it cute. It would have been like me buying a ten-year old dog, announcing I just got a puppy and inviting everyone over to meet my adorable new puppy and OH I’m SO excited!! Then my friends come over, anticipating a cute little ball of wiggles all yipping and snuggly… and they’re greeted with an old dog with a graying face that probably farts and has terrible plaque breath.

Well it was kind of the same here. You’d be expecting a freshly pregnant woman, all smiles and giggles, and instead you’re greeted with a much larger, much snarlier pregnant woman.

So I apologize readers. You totally missed the puppy stage of my pregnancy and I’m the farting dog now. *hangs head*

But I did get an idea that I thought might make it up to you. I thankfully took pictures throughout the pregnancy, so I thought I’d share those pictures and a little tidbit with each of those pictures. It’s not specific posts dedicated to how I’m feeling and what I’m doing that week but it’s better than nothing!

Six Weeks

Look at that smile! Look at that belly (or lack therof)! I was only six weeks pregnant and glowing! I obviously had no belly yet at this point, but I stupidly, oh so stupidly, was eager to see myself starting to pop. One of the silly mentalities of a newly pregnant woman. *sigh* But I took this picture to show what I looked like before starting to show… I don’t know why. As a reference? To torture myself? I had my reasons back in the day, but now those reasons completely elude me…

Nine Weeks

Nine Weeks

This was my first ultrasound where I got to see my little peanut. Baby is nine weeks young here. I remember my OBGYN bringing this up on the screen and I just smiled knowingly as I looked over at my three other beautiful kids who I had brought with to the ultrasound. Sooner than I’d ever expect, this nine-week-along pregnancy would result in another beautiful child. Just as big as his/her siblings with his/her own personality and looks. I was so excited!

12 Weeks

12 Weeks

What a difference only three weeks can make! This is only three weeks after the last ultrasound and now there are obvious arms and facial features. They’re not fully formed yet, but even as I observed my fourth child, I was still in awe at the wonder of creating life.

13 Weeks

13 Weeks

There. You see that teeny tiny bump? Right there. Yeah. There. That’s the beginning of my belly. I remember being so excited to share the belly pic! At this point, I had REALLY bad morning sickness and I just wanted to sleep all day still. I was pretty bitter about this since I was supposed to get out of this stage. Little did I know this would last for MANY more weeks yet!

16 Weeks

16 Weeks

Now my belly is starting to pop. I thought I had gotten so much bigger at this point! I still had morning sickness at this point and poor husband had to be subjected to whatever meal I thought sounded good. Oftentimes it was just simple cold cut sandwiches because that was all I could handle smelling. I also began to notice my bras were getting very snug at this point! And I also noticed movement with baby at this point too!

18 Weeks

18 Weeks

We had just finished moving into our new house here and I was finally beginning to feel my energy kicking in at 18 weeks! Baby was starting to really wiggle around now and I was also feeling quite a few stretching growing pains in my abdomen. I was equal parts bitter and proud of this since it was my third pregnancy and I assumed I’d never have “growing pains” again from my abdomen stretching out!

19 Weeks

19 Weeks

I’m exhausted. Dead beat. Over and out. This picture was taken after a week straight of unpacking our new house and taking care of my three-year old and twin two-year olds. Baby was really active now at this point and I was finally beginning to feel “pregnant”.

20 Weeks Old

20 Weeks Old

This beautiful, BEAUTIFUL picture is my baby at 20 weeks old. This was from the ultrasound that women get midway to find out the gender and get a peek at their baby while measurements and pictures are taken of baby to make sure they’re growing up strong and healthy. Prior to this ultrasound, I had suffered from some severe anxiety over the health of baby. So it was an extreme relief to me when baby was immediately announced to be a “really good lookin’ baby”. Yay! (P.S. We decided to let this baby be a surprise!)
I will be posting more on this picture and the day that surrounded it in another blog post.

20 Weeks

20 Weeks

Sciatic nerve pain resulted in me needing to sleep with a pillow between my legs at this point. But that didn’t matter, because I was overjoyed to find that I could finally drop my morning sickness medication and I felt okay!!

21 Weeks

21 Weeks

I’m hot now. Not sexy hot. No. I was a sweaty, uncomfortable kind of hot. This week was the week where all of the US just got blasted with that giant heat wave. In Wisconsin, that was high 80’s and 90’s. Previous to this, I remember thinking to myself that pregnant women really couldn’t suffer as badly as they claimed in the heat (Both of my previous pregnancies were over winter). But oh my god I ate my words that week. The heat just slows you down to snail speed and turns you into a snarly beast! I hated this week the most so far through the pregnancy. I HATED it. And I’m pretty sure husband hated me this week, too.

22.5 Weeks

22.5 Weeks

At this point, I was getting really round out front and uncomfortable from hip pain. Apparently my body has a “been there, done that” mindset this time with this being my third pregnancy. My pelvic bones are already separating and it makes walking very painful. And standing on one foot just about kills me from the shooting pain. I’ve had to adopt some pretty creative ways to put on shoes and socks! But, that said, I was just happy that I hadn’t started swelling up from the heat! And I can only hope this early separation will make for a much easier delivery when the time comes!

25 Weeks

25 Weeks

My growth spurt slowed and I’m not sick. That’s a lot to smile about! At this point I’m just riding the pregnancy wave and waiting for delivery day. I still get lots of pelvic pain and pinched nerves and lower back pain from running around all day every day, but I think at this point I finally just accepted my fate and ignore it as best as I can. Instead, I’ve been counting down the surprisingly small number of weeks left. 15 weeks at this point only!

I’m 27 weeks now as of yesterday and feeling as good as a 27 week pregnant woman can. I’ve stopped finding the bad in everything and I’m trying to stay optimistic which hasn’t really been all that hard. I still haven’t started swelling up and I’m getting used to the pelvic pain. Husband takes really good care of me when he can tell I’m starting to slow down and the kids are all really good for me all things considered.

I’m getting really excited to meet baby now! Impatient even. I feel and SEE giant kicks and squirms and just smile. I can’t wait to hold baby in my arms and snuggle them and kiss them. I can’t wait to show them off. I’m a little afraid of having a gigantic baby this time around since i Had twins for my last pregnancy, but I’ve decided dwelling has done me NO good with this pregnancy. I’m just trying to live day-by-day and enjoy the good instead of snarling about the bad. As best as I can anyway, because don’t get me wrong, I’m still plenty snarly. 😉

I will try to keep my blog updated with the pregnancy now that I’ve finally broken the news. Sorry it took me SO LONG to do!

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Check Yourself

I’m pissed. (Yep, here we go. Brace yourselves.)

So, it’s not really a secret that husband and I would love to have more kids. Love. I adore our three kids more than anything else on this planet. I always will. Always.

So I need someone to explain this to me:

When I told a few family members and friends over Christmas time that husband and I were considering a fourth child, why did they have to give me that shocked “you’re kidding me?!” look? Or start LAUGHING?!

Why, when I said I’d love for Buddy, Peanut and Bear to have a baby sibling, did they have to twist that wonderful thought into, “Wow, don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”

Why, when I said that husband and I just don’t know if we’re done with our family yet, did they have to respond with, “Wow, that’s crazy!” or,  “Don’t you realize how much that will cost?” or say with disgust, “You’re not going to be like the Duggars, are you?” or, “Aren’t you afraid you’ll get more stretch marks?” or, “I just hope you realize the responsibility you’re taking on.” Or, this one made me laugh at the sheer gall, “Don’t you think you have enough to deal with with Peanut?”

In light of my resolutions post saying I am going to make more of an effort to stop caring what everyone else thinks of me, I have a few (very many, actually, but I’m going to try to keep them to a minimum…) choice words for you, family and friends:

Who the hell do you think you are?!

Let me address each of your awful questions and/or statements individually:

1.) Laughing in my face – Yeah. Um, no. Next time you want to laugh in someone’s face with baby news, you might want to check yourself. So, you think it’s hilarious that we’re considering a fourth child… okay… well I think it’s hilarious that you’re still living at home and you’re in your mid-twenties, but you don’t see me laughing, do you? A little self-control, if you please.

2.) The bug-eyed look – Really? Did you suddenly forget how to control your facial features? That look leads me to believe that ALL of that praising and ALL of those compliments that you gave me about how fantastic of a mother I am was all a lie. It makes me wonder what you really think of my mothering skills. So, good job. I don’t trust you anymore. (And for the record, I don’t need your fake praises to feel confident in my mothering skills. Husband thinks I’m a fantastic mom to his kids, and his opinion counts for ten million of yours.)

3.) Asking me if I think it’s “a little extreme” – Uh, what’s extreme? Having four kids? What if I told you that I wouldn’t even mind having five or *gasp* six kids?! *cue fainting*. Is it because you think we can’t handle four kids? Or is it because you would never have four kids therefore you think everyone else in the world is crazy to want four kids? Listen, just because you can’t handle cooking dinner without getting distracted and burning it doesn’t mean we’re not capable of keeping up with four kids. And let’s be honest… if anyone should populate the world with lots of kids, it’s Husband and me. At least our kids are going to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted members of society.

4.) Telling me I’m crazy – That’s not new news. But, really though? That was totally unnecessary, you asswipe.

5.) Asking me if I realize the cost that will go into a child – BAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re just so… wow. We’ve already got three kids, one of which has special needs which translates into many medical bills… What makes you think that we don’t understand the costs that come with a child? Oh, is it because you raised kids 20-40 years ago and you know everything about everything when it comes to raising kids? We aren’t rich, but we understand how money works and we’re good with it. Money is not a concern for us. And frankly, it shouldn’t be your concern either.

6.) The Duggars – Can SOMEONE explain to me why considering a fourth child is comparable to 19 kids?! I think this is where the question, “Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?” comes into play…

7.) Mentioning stretch marks as a demotivator – Coming from someone who has never had a child, I get that you totally don’t get it. Bringing a child into the world is worth stretch marks. It’s worth an episiotomy. It’s worth a C-section. It’s worth labor pains, morning sickness and nine months of discomfort. It’s worth all of the scars and trauma. When you have your first child and hold them in your arms for the first time and hear their little squeaks and warbles, you’ll realize just how stupid that question is.

8.) Telling me you hope I realize the responsibility I’m taking on – Uuhhhhhh… You’re kidding, right? So, what were my first three kids for? Practice? Well, then. If the first three were merely practice, then I’m confident that I would “mom” the hell out of a fourth child with my ability to feed, bathe, swaddle and burp. I will annihilate diaper rash, scrapes, cuts and bruises with ease. I can withstand crying, whining, screeching and wailing for hours without breaking down. I’m the multitasking master and organizing guru. I manage five schedules with ease and I still find time to read a new book on my Kindle every week. Seriously, do not lecture me on responsibility or I will full-out punch you where it hurts most.

9.) Using Peanut against me – For those of you who try to dissuade me with Peanut, Do. Not. EVER. use my daughter against me. Ever. This one, I am not joking about. How dare you. How. Dare. You.

And here’s the thing. I just said we were considering a fourth. Considering. As in still weighing our options. As in it’s very likely that we may not even have a fourth child. The fact that this handful of people reacted so negatively really hurt because these are some people who I love and trust the most. When I told them, I thought I was sharing possibly exciting news. But the response I got just floored me. What have we done to get a response like that? What have we done (or not done) to make these people think we’re not responsible enough, not smart enough, not financially stable enough? And what made them think it was even remotely okay to say some of these things? The only person that I would ever let speak to me like that is Husband, and even then… well… my response is never pleasant.

All I’m saying is that you don’t have to understand the reasons behind wanting a lot of kids. If you don’t think it’s for you, then that’s totally fine. Kudos to you for knowing when you’re done (or not starting at all). Just don’t pass your judgement on to families like ours who would love to be large and in charge. Would you like it if I asked you invasive and personal questions about your life choices or told you that I think you’re crazy? No? Then why do you think it’s okay to ask me these things?

And you know what? Scratch that… I honestly wouldn’t even mind the questions if they weren’t so rude and presumptuous.

Now that said, yes, I would have to agree with some of you that there are quite a few families out there that raise large families irresponsibly and their kids suffer for their irresponsible decisions. But, you’re our family and friends… you know me and Husband. Do you really think we’d let that happen?

So here’s some words of advice from yours truly on how to make it up to me: I love hot chocolate. I don’t like chocolate cake, but marble is fantastic. Never, ever give me food with coconut on it. I am always willing to put aside time to receive an apology. Goldfish crackers and toe-curlingly delicious. Feel free to ask questions and share your concerns, but you had better sugar coat it so much that I don’t know you’re doubting my mothering prowess. I don’t mind flowers, but I prefer handmade gifts that are difficult and frustrating to make. Especially ones that draw blood. And, of course, the quickest way back to my heart is by showering my kids with love and affection.

And for those of you that reacted positively, and those of you that nearly pooped yourself with excitement and told me to get pregnant RIGHT NOW… you all rock my socks off. Thanks for your love and support. (But if we decide against a fourth, please don’t murder me…)

******

Okay, this is where I step back and give you a friendly slap on the shoulder and tell you to wipe that confused and terrified look off of your face. If you couldn’t tell, most of this was written with extreme sarcasm. I’m upset by the comments, but I’m not actually that angry. I still love you guys, just… maybe check yourself before you say things like that from now on. Kapish?

Old Lady Shorts

I bought two new pairs of shorts today.  This was special for me for three reasons.

1.)  I never buy myself new clothes.  Any money I have goes towards gardening and the kids.  I have also never needed to buy new clothes because my size and weight never fluctuated.
2.)  I finally got “grown-up” shorts.  Previous to this, most of my shorts and skirts belonged in bars and on stripper poles.
3.)  I finally kicked my ego to the curb and tried on a size larger than 5.

I used to comfortably fit into size 5, but I’ve become well aware of my now much looser midsection (one of the benefits of carrying twins is your skin gets stretched far beyond the point of no return).  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed of my body by any means.  Every stretch mark, scar, loose “flap” and roll is the price I gladly paid for my kids.  While I will admit that this new body shape is a little discouraging, I also know it could be much worse.  After carrying Buddy I went back to how I was before.  I think God noticed me laughing fate in the face and gave me twins 6 months later.. I didn’t have a chance this time.  I eventually fit back into all of my old pants and shorts, but I have the pouch on my belly now.  So I can fit my hips and butt into them, but I have this huge belly hanging out over the front and it just looks terrible.  *ahh… muffin top.  I was wondering when you’d show your ugly face*  I still didn’t get stretch marks on my belly, so I decided to brave a 2-piece swimsuit over 4th of July weekend (3 1/2 months after delivering).  I thought I looked pretty good, but MAN were the bottoms tight.  *that’s it… my pride is gonna kill me.. I need to face my fears and just try on a pair of bigger shorts*

I told myself I didn’t need to buy them, just try it on and see just how much bigger I really am.  I went shopping and looked longingly at the shorts I used to always wear, then saw a group of teeny boppers skip and giggle over to the very rack I was daydreaming over.  They were twigs.  I mean, seriously.  Teeny tiny.  Watching them giggling over silly nothings made me realize I have been hanging on to the past for far too long.  Who am I trying to kid?  Looking at myself, I felt like those women (and men) who can’t let go of their favorite decade.  20 years later they’re still rocking the giant hair, fringes, mullets and belly shirts.  It just looks trashy… I’m realizing I probably do too.  That was my final reality check.  I’m a quarter of a century old, I’m a mother of three, I’m a wife, I’m a homeowner.  So finally, I did it.  I went to the misses section and dove into what I formerly labeled “old lady shorts”.  You know what?  They actually weren’t half bad!  Why didn’t I see this before?  They had style and class.  They were perfect for a young mother.  I can look sexy, stylish and classy all at once if I play my cards right.

I’m looking through the sizes and grab a 5, a 7 and a 9 to compare.  I go into the dressing room with three different style shorts each in three different sizes.  If I’m gonna do this, I may as well be thorough.  I try on the 5 and have to do the familiar gut suck.  They look ok, but the pouch was there still.  I tried on the 7 next.  It’s tight, but I don’t have to suck in my belly.  I’m already loving it.  I could totally pull this off!  But then, I look at the size 9.  I don’t want to just get by, I want to be honest with myself.  I try on the size 9…

Heaven. on. earth.

I’m kicking myself for not realizing this sooner!  I felt better, and I looked way better.  The shorts were a little looser and longer than… well… my previous shorts which now make me think of denim underwear.  They fit comfortably so when I bend over I don’t have to hold my breath.  My pouch is nowhere to be seen.  Most importantly, I still look skinny!!!  In fact, I look better than I did before!  You wouldn’t even know I had a pouch in the first place.  I can still wear tight shirts and you just wouldn’t know.  Wow.

I bought two pairs and bring them home for husband to see.  He sarcastically comments, “Wow, I thought you’d need old lady shorts by now!”  Which translated, means I’m still lookin’ good.

I’m still adjusting to the changes, but admitting my body’s changes to myself is the best thing I could have done.  I am 5’7″, 140 lbs and a size 9.  I’m PERFECTLY healthy and happy, and I look fabulous in my new shorts.