Husbands say the darndest things [part 2]

This is a conversation I just had with my husband while cleaning up together after dinner. Conversations like this make me wonder… well… you’ll see…

Right when I finish filling the dishwasher, husband comes over with a glass in hand.

H: Do you have room for this?
M: Nope.
H: Let me see.
M: There’s no room.
H: [pushes past me] I’ll just check the bottom rack. … … *growl* There’s gotta be room in here…
M: I just finished filling it. There’s no room.
H: [continues trying to move things around to fit one more glass in]
M: Just give up. Leave it on the counter and I’ll put it in for the next load.
H: [growls and says a snarky comment about my poor stacking skills, then pulls the portable dishwasher to the sink to start running it]
M: Don’t start that yet, I want to clean up the girls before we plug it in.
H: Eh. They’re fine. Peanut’s still eating and Bear’s drinking her milk. [continues to futz with the dishwasher]
M: … … … I know. But I don’t want to start the dishwasher until they’re done and I can clean them up while the faucet’s still free.
H: [Reaches for the dishwashing detergent… still ignoring me]
M: WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?! [reaches for the detergent]
H: [dives for the detergent] Mine! I’ll do it!
M: [eyeroll] Oh my god. You’re ridiculous. I was doing this first, why do you insist on getting in my way?
H: I was cleaning up first, not you.
M: Whatever, just don’t start the dishwasher yet.
H: *growls* Fine. [holds up a pamphlet for a local politician in my face] Hey, does this look like {so and so}’s brother to you?
M: Did you take that out of the recycling?!
H: No! [looks around guiltily] I put it back…
M: No you didn’t! You still have it! Why did you take that out of the recycling?
H: [completely ignores me and quotes Homer Simpson] *chuckling* Implied, Marge? Or Implode?
M: … … … You’re unbelievable. I feel like I’m talking to a child.
H: *laughs hysterically* [comes and gives me a big hug from behind]
M: *growl* Don’t touch me. Go away.
H: Oooooh. But I wuuuv youuuu. *snickers*
M: Oh my god, go away.
H: Don’t you love me?
M: No.
H: Yes you do.
M: Get out.
H: *laughs again* Why don’t you love me?
M: Because you’re annoying me.
H: Ooooh, you don’t mean that. … … … You know… all this anger is only making me-
H: [Smiles mischievously]
M: … … … [rolls eyes]
H: [continues to smile and does a little dance]
M: *giggle* [immediately realized I cracked and laughed and went back to my scowl… but it’s too late. He saw.]
H: [leaves the room with a victorious grin on his face]

Oh, he won the battle… but I WILL win the war….

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