Husbands say the darndest things

Conversations with my husband:

Husband brings two beer bottles to the kitchen table during dinner and announces he wants to do a taste test. One beer is his home-brew, the other is the legit storebought beer. He wants to know which beer I like better. I took a sip of the first one and nearly fell over dead n the spot.

me: ACK! This is terrible! *shudders*
husband: Well, just taste the other one…
(I taste the other one, it’s WORSE)
me: AAAAUUUGH! *smacks lips and desperately looks around for something to wash down the taste*
husband: So? Which one do you like better?
me: Uhh… I hated that one less…
husband: You like mine better!
me: I wouldn’t go that far… What IS that?!
husband: It’s S________’s rye-PA, and my rye-PA.
me: Why did you give me that?! You know I hate IPAs. I HATE bitter beer!
husband: But… these are so good!
(husband pours both of the remaining beers out into their glasses.)
husband: Ok, which one are you going to finish?
me: NO way. I’m not drinking anymore of that!
husband:  What?! *looks genuinely distraught* You have to!
me: Nope. *crosses arms*
husband: *whines* But I can’t drink two beers at once without needing a nap…

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. My husband, the manly man. My sister’s favorite story about him is when he passed out after a couple of glasses of gin and tonic, then insisted that he was taking a nap… sprawled on the bed and snoring like a banshee.


Last night I came down with a nasty sore throat from a cold. You know, those colds where the back of your throat and nasal passage is incredibly tender. Husband had to take the dog to the vet this morning, so I asked him on the way out to pick up some cold medicine for me. After husband gets home I ask him about it.

me: So, did you get the cold medicine?
husband *looks confused* No?
me: Why not?
husband: *shrugs* The vet doesn’t have people medicine.


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