Oh. My. God. [Act 2]

Buddy has been potty training. Naturally, with potty training comes accidents.

Yesterday, husband and I started our second attempt at potty training. He had a couple of accidents peeing on the floor. We were happy that it was just pee and not poop. This was only because he refused to poop yesterday until we put his overnight diaper on. We didn’t know if this was because he honestly didn’t have to go until then, or if he was just unsure about using the potty for a #2. We had a feeling it was the second of the two. Either way, we knew the poop accident would come sooner or later.

It came today.

Although yesterday was kind of a nightmare, I had been very lucky today with Buddy. He, by some miracle, decided that he would be more agreeable today with the potty. He was going to it without a fuss and without provocation on my part. This was a huge step forward from yesterday.

In what I now see as an incredibly stupid decision on my part, I left him alone to check my emails etc in the other room for about 15-ish minutes.

Correction: Him and his sisters. Alone during potty training.

Alone.

Suddenly I realized it was eerily quiet in the other room. I got up and peeked around the corner and found the girls huddled together in the hallway and Buddy standing over them looking at me uncertainly. When I looked closer, I noticed the girls were playing with something. Bear had a handful of something and was squashing it through her fingers and Peanut was slapping it into the ground. It looked sort of like…

NO

OHMYGODNO!!!!!! *gaaag!*

I dove forward.

I hit the ground and grabbed both girls by the feet and yanked them from the pile of Buddy feces in the middle of our hallway. Or, at least, what would have been a pile before the girls got to it. Now it looked more like… *gaaaaaag!*

I looked at their hands.

Their brown glistening hands.

*gaaaag!*

“Oh god.” *GAAAAAAAAG*

Bear raised her hand to her mouth and I slapped it away, realizing moments later that her chin was already brown.

*gaaag* *gaaaaaaaag!!!*

I pulled her hand from her mouth a second time and took off running. I cleared Buddy’s head easily as I jumped over him and ran for the nearest rag pile.

I hear Buddy begin to silently gag behind me. I grab a handful of rags and turn to look at him, tears running down his red face, nearly vomiting from the scene before him.

I dive over Buddy again and squatted down in front of my smiling and giggling girls and attack their filthy hands.

I take a third rag and pick up what isn’t smashed into the carpet, thanking the heavens that the smell doesn’t bother me anymore. Then, I remembered the smell of dog vomit.

*GAAAAAAAAG!*

Watery-eyed, I head into the bathroom and with a lot of soap and water, clean off the rags, the girls hands and, *gag* faces.

I turn to the door and find Buddy standing in the doorway looking at me with what I can only describe as an extremely apologetic face. He looked so embarrassed. I then realized that I didn’t talk to him about his accident.

I laughed. I didn’t have to talk to him about it. He saw the aftermath. He won’t do it again. That, I’m sure of.

“It’s okay Buddy. I know it was an accident. You didn’t mean it. Next time you’ll use the potty, right?” He grumbles an affirmative sound and heads into the living room to watch Sesame Street.

I got a finger brush and washed out the girl’s mouths, then went and got some water for the girls to, erm, wash down their main course. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I pulled the carpet cleaner out of the closet and got to work. After a few quick minutes, I had the disaster area looking good as new. Right when I finished, Buddy came running up to me and pulled on my pants excitedly yelling, “Mommy! Mommy!”

I followed him to his potty where he proudly showed me two perfectly formed little logs sitting on the bottom of his potty.

Hallelujah!!

Lesson learned. Next time, I’ll remember to keep a closer eye on the kids during potty training. That, or I’ll keep the dog around. I’d very much prefer him eating the disgusting things around the house over my two daughters.

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