Finger Pointing at it’s Best

Over the past three years husband and I have somehow managed to never need to buy a microwave.  In fact, neither of us have had to buy a microwave since birth.  Hmmm.  I just pictured a three-year old pushing a shopping cart with a microwave in it.  Ok… let’s try this a THIRD time.

Husband and I haven’t had to buy a microwave since moving out our respective homes after high school.  His parents bought him one when he went off to college, and there was no need for me to buy one because my roommate had one in our dorm room.  I guess I technically COULD have, but I can’t imagine one microwave stacked on top of the other is all that safe.  I can’t imagine it’s safe for MANY reasons.

When I left college I moved into my own apartment, and a co-worker kindly gave me her old ginormous ancient dinosaur of a microwave.  It worked and I was happy.  When husband and I got married, he got rid of his couple year old microwave and we kept mine.  I insisted the bigger size was the win-all argument.  “Just THINK of the things we can fit in here!”  I’m pretty positive he gave in because he knew I would never, ever drop it until I won.

Then, just when my trusty dinosaur microwave was taking its last breath, we got my Dad’s old microwave.  I’m pretty sure his was still incredibly old, but it was light year ahead of my dinosaur.  We (I) sadly said goodbye to the dinosaur and we made the trade.

That was two years ago.

Since then that microwave was average in about everything.  A few buttons didn’t work and it took a little longer to heat things.  But we were fine with that.  Well… I was only sort of fine with it.  I’ll admit, through the last two years I’ve been dying to know what that microwave’s idea of the perfect length of time to microwave popcorn was.  That button never worked, and I never seem to get the timing right.

Over the last couple months, though, I’ve been starting to lose my patience with this trusty post-Dad microwave.  It’s the defrost button.  I have the patience to never know exactly what the perfect popcorn time is… but the defrost button is a whole different story.  I’ll put a pound of frozen ground beef in for the time it says is appropriate to defrost and wait.  Approx 12 minutes later it comes out still covered in ice!  That’s unacceptable, my friend.  Absolutely unacceptable!

Finally I went off about our POS microwave to husband and said it’s time we finally put up the money for a new microwave.  We’ve avoided this day long enough!

Today, while christmas shopping for the kids, husband and I split up in Target and did our own thing for a little bit.  Eventually we ran into each other (Husband followed the sound of our incredibly tired and pissed off Buddy who was with me).  I was THRILLED to see that husband was carting around a microwave!!  He went and found one after getting what baby food and things we needed.  I asked him when he found he time to find one.  He replied that he figured I’d get lost in the baby clothes again and he’d have plenty of time to wander.  I almost got defensive, until I realized we were smack dab in the middle of the baby clothes.  That’s where he found me… *sigh*  I hate when he’s right.

Side story:  While husband got some grocery shopping done, Buddy and I walked to the local PetSmart.  I can’t believe the amount of dogs that were in there!!  Buddy was beside himself with excitement between the fish, the cats, the rodents, the birds and THE DOGS.  I had to catch him before he charged headfirst into the next dog he saw and asked the owner if that dogs likes kids.  When they said yes, I had to ask if the dogs minded being mauled by kids.  The owners laughed and said the dogs LOVE kids.  Lucky for Buddy.  He met a terrier named Bosco, a Boxer named Watson and a german short hair named REMMY.  Imagine their surprise when Buddy started yelling Memmy!  Memmy!  over and over when he heard the name.  There were more dogs, but those are the ones that Buddy loved the most.  It was pretty darn adorable.

SO, continuing on, we brought our prizes home and started unbundling the kids and unpacking the Christmas gifts and groceries.  Eventually we got the new microwave set up and Husband payed with it for a little bit.  About an hour later, I noticed the instruction manual and warranty information sitting on the kitchen table.  Normally I don’t care one bit about either of those things, but I ended up picking up the warranty and reading it.

It described the conditions over which it WILL and WILL NOT cover repairs etc for our new microwave.  Among the things it WILL NOT cover…

You won’t believe this.

*damage resulting from accident, alteration, misuse, abuse, fire, flood, improper installation, acts of God, or use of products not approved by ‘company’.

WHAT?!  Acts of God?!  Are you kidding me?!  BAHAHAHAHA!!!  You’re telling me someone actually tried to blame their malfunctioning microwave on GOD?!

A microwave.

I don’t even know what to say about that.  If I knew it was that easy to point the blame at something else I’d have jumped on this bandwagon a LONG time ago.

“Oh, sorry I rear-ended you.  It must have been an act of God.”  “Whoops, I spilled my drink.  Must have been God.”

I guess I know why our new(er) 46″ HDTV got hit by lightning.  It was an act of God.  Duh.

Wow.

(On a lighter note, I can’t wait to make some popcorn tonight with the popcorn button.  Finally… my question will be answered.  I will finally know what my new microwave thinks the perfect popcorn cooking time is!)

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2 thoughts on “Finger Pointing at it’s Best

  1. Ok, I have since been informed by a friend that “Acts of God” refers to storms, lightning, floods etc. Even though this makes MUCH more sense, I’m still extremely entertained by the wording of this.

    I am also still going to blame everything on acts of God. This is too hilarious to waste.
    (Also, ironically, I was apparently right that our TV was destroyed by an act of God. That one bit me in the a$$!)

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