I bought two new pairs of shorts today. This was special for me for three reasons.
1.) I never buy myself new clothes. Any money I have goes towards gardening and the kids. I have also never needed to buy new clothes because my size and weight never fluctuated.
2.) I finally got “grown-up” shorts. Previous to this, most of my shorts and skirts belonged in bars and on stripper poles.
3.) I finally kicked my ego to the curb and tried on a size larger than 5.
I used to comfortably fit into size 5, but I’ve become well aware of my now much looser midsection (one of the benefits of carrying twins is your skin gets stretched far beyond the point of no return). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ashamed of my body by any means. Every stretch mark, scar, loose “flap” and roll is the price I gladly paid for my kids. While I will admit that this new body shape is a little discouraging, I also know it could be much worse. After carrying Buddy I went back to how I was before. I think God noticed me laughing fate in the face and gave me twins 6 months later.. I didn’t have a chance this time. I eventually fit back into all of my old pants and shorts, but I have the pouch on my belly now. So I can fit my hips and butt into them, but I have this huge belly hanging out over the front and it just looks terrible. *ahh… muffin top. I was wondering when you’d show your ugly face* I still didn’t get stretch marks on my belly, so I decided to brave a 2-piece swimsuit over 4th of July weekend (3 1/2 months after delivering). I thought I looked pretty good, but MAN were the bottoms tight. *that’s it… my pride is gonna kill me.. I need to face my fears and just try on a pair of bigger shorts*
I told myself I didn’t need to buy them, just try it on and see just how much bigger I really am. I went shopping and looked longingly at the shorts I used to always wear, then saw a group of teeny boppers skip and giggle over to the very rack I was daydreaming over. They were twigs. I mean, seriously. Teeny tiny. Watching them giggling over silly nothings made me realize I have been hanging on to the past for far too long. Who am I trying to kid? Looking at myself, I felt like those women (and men) who can’t let go of their favorite decade. 20 years later they’re still rocking the giant hair, fringes, mullets and belly shirts. It just looks trashy… I’m realizing I probably do too. That was my final reality check. I’m a quarter of a century old, I’m a mother of three, I’m a wife, I’m a homeowner. So finally, I did it. I went to the misses section and dove into what I formerly labeled “old lady shorts”. You know what? They actually weren’t half bad! Why didn’t I see this before? They had style and class. They were perfect for a young mother. I can look sexy, stylish and classy all at once if I play my cards right.
I’m looking through the sizes and grab a 5, a 7 and a 9 to compare. I go into the dressing room with three different style shorts each in three different sizes. If I’m gonna do this, I may as well be thorough. I try on the 5 and have to do the familiar gut suck. They look ok, but the pouch was there still. I tried on the 7 next. It’s tight, but I don’t have to suck in my belly. I’m already loving it. I could totally pull this off! But then, I look at the size 9. I don’t want to just get by, I want to be honest with myself. I try on the size 9…
Heaven. on. earth.
I’m kicking myself for not realizing this sooner! I felt better, and I looked way better. The shorts were a little looser and longer than… well… my previous shorts which now make me think of denim underwear. They fit comfortably so when I bend over I don’t have to hold my breath. My pouch is nowhere to be seen. Most importantly, I still look skinny!!! In fact, I look better than I did before! You wouldn’t even know I had a pouch in the first place. I can still wear tight shirts and you just wouldn’t know. Wow.
I bought two pairs and bring them home for husband to see. He sarcastically comments, “Wow, I thought you’d need old lady shorts by now!” Which translated, means I’m still lookin’ good.
I’m still adjusting to the changes, but admitting my body’s changes to myself is the best thing I could have done. I am 5’7″, 140 lbs and a size 9. I’m PERFECTLY healthy and happy, and I look fabulous in my new shorts.