What a perfect way to start my blog.
There’s two reasons why Sunday was the absolute perfect day for me.
1.) Husband and I got the girls (peanut and baby bear) baptized this weekend at our local Catholic church. To me, baptism is not only a cleansing of original sin, but of the mind, the body, the spirit… everything. It’s a do-over, a new beginning. Granted most people are baptized as babies so they haven’t necessarily done anything wrong, but you get my point. I can’t help but be overjoyed that my precious girls get a do-over after everything they’ve been through. I know it’s more symbolic than a literal do-over, but it’s a comfort that I’ve really been needing. I’ve been so sad for them lately because no matter what I do they still have to go to the hospital. I can’t protect them from the tests, the doctors the needles etc. So I felt like a weight was somewhat lifted off of my shoulders as I watched the holy water trickle down their tiny little heads as they were baptized in Christ. “They’re safe now, they’re safe with God now.”, I thought. Not that they weren’t before, but now… it’s official. They’re cleansed, they’re safe.
2.) We brought so many family and friends together for the sake of my precious girls. I was thrilled to have so many people there to witness their baptism. People who I consider important parts of my girl’s lives in different ways. Godparents, who are there to lead by example in faith and friendship. Grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and family friends who are all there to wholeheartedly give their love and support. All for Peanut and Bear.
I feel like I gave their baptism WAY more meaning than what is really intended for the ceremony, but I really needed to for my own sanity. I’ve been trying to juggle healthcare, housework and daily care of three babies. I’ve been managing… but at what expense? My sanity. Literally. I think I was going crazy without realizing it. I always had the phone to my ear. I was the secretary of my own home, my markerboard inevitably filled up every single day with something or another. I was so busy making sure my kids were well taken care of that I forgot about myself.
A lot of my relationships had gone down the drain too. I got so busy I just didn’t have time to visit. No… let’s be honest Mom… I didn’t want to. I knew I’d have the same conversation over and over.. and over… … and… o.v.e.r. I wasn’t angry with people about it, I just didn’t have time for it. I stopped talking to people on the phone and stuck with Facebook. I was too drained at the end of every day to even attempt to return phone calls, eventually I’d just forget someone called altogether.
I also lost my connection with the church. My faith had been diminishing. I know in a lot of circumstances people’s faith only gets stronger when put through trials so I don’t know what happened to me. After delivery I was so concentrated on Peanut, Bear and Buddy (my son. aka little buddy) I just forgot about everything else. Husband and I couldn’t handle three babies in church (If you know anyone who can, I’d like to shake their hand.) so we started going to church seperate. I think that was the kicker for me. church has always been something we do together. Through thick and thin we’d always go together, it was a constant I always relied on. He serves and lectors at our regular church so I had to become a floater and go to other masses at other churches and I just lost the connection. I didn’t care. I’d be sitting there and I wouldn’t hear a word. I may as well be at home with my family. It just wasn’t right being in church without my family.
So in light of everything that was “falling apart” without my knowing or caring, the baptism was absolutely perfect. It was not only the girl’s do-over, but mine as well. So many people who I had lost contact with were there. Everyone was all smiles and hugs and it was a time for celebration. I had Husband, Buddy, and even Peanut and Bear with me at mass. I felt it. There was God again, there was my faith. There was my relationships. They were there all along. I just had to look and everything was still there. Everything was still in place, just as I left it. Thank you god. Everything felt right, when I didn’t even realize how wrong it has become.
Best of all we were having a party afterwards at our house. Time to get together and visit and laugh and celebrate and BE. HAPPY. Everyone had nothing but good things to say. “The house looks amazing.” “The work you’ve done has really paid off.” “The food is great.” “The setup is wonderful.” “What a perfect day.” But the ones that really made my heart swell with pride was when I heard, “What a wonderful Mom you are.” “your girls are beautiful.” “You’re doing such a great job.” “Buddy is so smart!” “Keep it up Mom.” “We’re proud of you.” God I needed that day. THANK YOU everyone who has supported me through everything and… well… just everything. There’s too much to list, and probably more that I was never even aware of. Thank you, thank you, thank you.