Gone Baptizin’

What a perfect way to start my blog.

There’s two reasons why Sunday was the absolute perfect day for me.

1.) Husband and I got the girls (peanut and baby bear) baptized this weekend at our local Catholic church.  To me, baptism is not only a cleansing of original sin, but of the mind, the body, the spirit… everything.  It’s a do-over, a new beginning.  Granted most people are baptized as babies so they haven’t necessarily done anything wrong, but you get my point.  I can’t help but be overjoyed that my precious girls get a do-over after everything they’ve been through.  I know it’s more symbolic than a literal do-over, but it’s a comfort that I’ve really been needing.  I’ve been so sad for them lately because no matter what I do they still have to go to the hospital.  I can’t protect them from the tests, the doctors the needles etc.  So I felt like a weight was somewhat lifted off of my shoulders as I watched the holy water trickle down their tiny little heads as they were baptized in Christ.  “They’re safe now, they’re safe with God now.”, I thought.  Not that they weren’t before, but now… it’s official.  They’re cleansed, they’re safe.

2.) We brought so many family and friends together for the sake of my precious girls.  I was thrilled to have so many people there to witness their baptism.  People who I consider important parts of my girl’s lives in different ways.  Godparents, who are there to lead by example in faith and friendship.  Grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and family friends who are all there to wholeheartedly give their love and support.  All for Peanut and Bear.

I feel like I gave their baptism WAY more meaning than what is really intended for the ceremony, but I really needed to for my own sanity.  I’ve been trying to juggle healthcare, housework and daily care of three babies.  I’ve been managing… but at what expense?  My sanity.  Literally.  I think I was going crazy without realizing it.  I always had the phone to my ear.  I was the secretary of my own home, my markerboard inevitably filled up every single day with something or another.  I was so busy making sure my kids were well taken care of that I forgot about myself.

A lot of my relationships had gone down the drain too.  I got so busy I just didn’t have time to visit.  No… let’s be honest Mom… I didn’t want to.  I knew I’d have the same conversation over and over.. and over… … and… o.v.e.r.  I wasn’t angry with people about it, I just didn’t have time for it.  I stopped talking to people on the phone and stuck with Facebook.  I was too drained at the end of every day to even attempt to return phone calls, eventually I’d just forget someone called altogether.

I also lost my connection with the church.  My faith had been diminishing.  I know in a lot of circumstances people’s faith only gets stronger when put through trials so I don’t know what happened to me.  After delivery I was so concentrated on Peanut, Bear and Buddy (my son.  aka little buddy) I just forgot about everything else.  Husband and I couldn’t handle three babies in church (If you know anyone who can, I’d like to shake their hand.) so we started going to church seperate.  I think that was the kicker for me.  church has always been something we do together.  Through thick and thin we’d always go together, it was a constant I always relied on.  He serves and lectors at our regular church so I had to become a floater and go to other masses at other churches and I just lost the connection.  I didn’t care.  I’d be sitting there and I wouldn’t hear a word.  I may as well be at home with my family.  It just wasn’t right being in church without my family.

So in light of everything that was “falling apart” without my knowing or caring, the baptism was absolutely perfect.  It was not only the girl’s do-over, but mine as well.  So many people who I had lost contact with were there.  Everyone was all smiles and hugs and it was a time for celebration.  I had Husband, Buddy, and even Peanut and Bear with me at mass.  I felt it.  There was God again, there was my faith.  There was my relationships.  They were there all along.  I just had to look and everything was still there.  Everything was still in place, just as I left it.  Thank you god.  Everything felt right, when I didn’t even realize how wrong it has become.

Best of all we were having a party afterwards at our house.  Time to get together and visit and laugh and celebrate and BE. HAPPY.  Everyone had nothing but good things to say.  “The house looks amazing.” “The work you’ve done has really paid off.” “The food is great.” “The setup is wonderful.” “What a perfect day.”  But the ones that really made my heart swell with pride was when I heard, “What a wonderful Mom you are.” “your girls are beautiful.” “You’re doing such a great job.” “Buddy is so smart!” “Keep it up Mom.” “We’re proud of you.”  God I needed that day.  THANK YOU everyone who has supported me through everything and… well… just everything.  There’s too much to list, and probably more that I was never even aware of.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

God bless.

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2 thoughts on “Gone Baptizin’

  1. From being on the periphery of your life, I find you inspiring. From what I know through Facebook (which is great for a worried HS friend that cares but knows how much you are and that another private message conveying support might be more of a burden than a help…), you and your family have been through a lot. But, my word, the strength you must have. I admire you. You have all kinds of people cheering you on, proud of you, concerned for you, and who have faith in you too. I hope things get easier, but I greatly respect how you chose plowing through the problems and complications rather than hand-wringing. You just did it. Supermom in the making? Supermom already. ❤

  2. Losing touch with the Church and God and your feeling that your faith was diminishing reminded me of Blessed Mother Theresa. After she died, some of her writings were released expressing that she felt she was losing her faith. Some people wondered how she could even be considered for Sainthood with those thoughts!
    But she kept up her work – God’s work – caring for the sick and homeless children of the slums of Calcutta, even though she didn’t “feel” the connection to God anymore. The day to day grind was no doubt zapping her spirit. She, nonetheless, kept praying and made the decision to keep the faith (kind of like we make the decision to love our husbands, when we don’t like them so much on a particular day).
    But God never abandoned her and by going through the motions, attending Mass, praying, and continuing to do His work she eventually rediscovered Him again.
    Don’t ever forget that you are doing the most important work – God’s work – when you bring up children in His Light. You may lose yourself from time to time in the lonliness and isolation of being the only adult in the room for hours on end. But one day you realize that you were there all the time — working at the most important job in the world – raising the next generation in His Light.
    Keep up the good work and thank you for taking such good care of my grandbabies. Mother Theresa is on her way to sainthood, which is what we should all aspire to.

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